Are you icky when you negotiate? When negotiating, the icky factor is not only a turnoff, but it can also be the death knell of the negotiation.

With a U.S. Congressman being perceived as being icky, as the result of recently getting caught in a spectacle that was made worse by the manner in which he addressed the situation, the question becomes, what makes one appear to be icky?

If you wish to avoid the perception of being icky in your negotiations, observe the following four insights.

Actions That Give The Appearance Of Being Icky:

Each negotiation situation is different from another. Thus, a myriad of factors can come into play, when attempting to isolate the icky factor. Nevertheless, there are constants involved in a negotiation that dictate what icky appears to be and what it feels like. Avoiding a direct question, especially when it’s posed several times, can heighten someone’s senses and enhance the impression that you’re not being forthright, which can lead to the thought that you’re icky. Another icky factor can be the way you speak. If you speak too fast or too slowly to someone that’s attuned to listening at a different pace, you can conjure up the image of one that’s ‘out of step’. Such actions can also create the impression that you’re evasive and thus, icky.

The Perception Of Being Icky:

Being perceived as icky stems from offending the sensibility of the person to whom you’re speaking. Such actions can occur from the manner in which you position your proposal, the perceived bravado in which you delivery it, and the background of the other person. To avoid such perceptions, take into consideration how you’re perceived when negotiating and adopt mannerisms that are appropriate for the environment.

Talking Too Long:

In any situation, if you discuss a subject too long, you run the risk of losing whatever goodwill you’ve generated. It’s better to communicate with certitude, in order to avoid the appearance of being perceived as icky. When you’re in a tenuous position, to avoid being perceived as icky during a negotiation, try to be as transparent as possible. If your behavior is perceived to be out of line with the manner in which it should be, the other negotiator may perceive something as not being right. He may not realize that he’s sensing his emotions at a subliminal level, but his gut will instinctively alert him to proceed with caution. If you project an image that causes him to experience such feelings, you’ll be alienating him, while simultaneously digging a deeper proverbial hole from which it may become extremely difficult to extricate yourself.

Gain Insight:

You can gain insight into the manner that someone perceives your actions by the way they respond to you. If they think you’re not being straightforward, they’ll display body language signals, such as leaning away from you, putting their hand over their mouth when you or they speak, and/or casting a look that you’ll perceive as being troubling. In essence, they’ll be dispelling what you say. If you sense such an action and you’re being forthright, question their perception of your sincerity. If there’s a need for clarification do so before proceeding with your position.

To assist in projecting the proper demeanor for your negotiations, alert your body to what mood you’d like to project. Then, observe the synchronization between your body language/mannerisms, and the way you’re perceived. If everything is in harmony, the other negotiator should perceive your sincerity and everything will be right with the world. Remember, you’re always negotiating.

The Negotiation Tips Are…

• To enhance the probability of being successful in your negotiations, avoid being perceived as icky.

• Anyone can misperceive a situation. If you sense your sincerity is being questioned, alert the other negotiator to what you perceive. Don’t allow the situation to go unheeded. To do so could be paramount to flirting with danger, needlessly.

• In any negotiation, negotiators may not see eye to eye on certain points. If you take the time and you’re skillful at decreasing the icky factor, you’ll increase your likability factor. In turn, subliminally, you’ll enhance the negotiation process.

Last week, my sister and I went into the town of Pittsford, NY to the Ben & Jerry’s store for some ice cream on a beautiful Friday night. The excruciating decision between Karamel Sutra or Imagine Whirled Peace almost doing me in, it was a relief to get my ice cream and head outside to sit on a bench.

Shortly thereafter, a little girl about 5 or 6, her brother and parents head out of the store with their ice cream. They sit down on the curbside near my bench. As the family is enjoying the ice cream, the little girl asks her parents “Why do they call it Mango, Mango Sorbet?”

“Because it’s made with Mangoes” her father replies somewhat impatiently.

“Then how come it isn’t called Mango Sorbet? Why Mango, MANGO Sorbet?”

At this point, my sister and I are laughing at the reasonable questioning of this little girl. Her parents went on with their conversation. This wasn’t the first or last amusing thing this little girl came up with but her parents seemed too preoccupied to notice.

I mentioned to my sister that it’s sad that many parents seem too busy, distracted, or just plain tired to appreciate some of the things their children come up with. My sister – having raised four children all two years apart from each other – replied “that’s just the way it is.”

That answer left me, and still has me, bothered. It’s not that I am blaming the parents for doing anything wrong or different than the rest of us do. It’s just that I thought it was sad. This little girl couldn’t have been cuter or more entertaining but her parents’ conversation took precedence. And from what I could hear (okay, eavesdrop) it had to do with gas prices!

The worldwide webcast of Eckart Tolle and Oprah (from Tolle’s book The New Earth) had as one of its themes “being present”. While watching these webcasts, I realized how much of our time is spent in the past or future – but rarely in the present.

Just monitor your thoughts and conversation for an hour. See how much of the time you are truly present. It’s not necessarily negative or positive thoughts but sometimes just neutral thoughts that take us out of the present.

In Yoga some weeks when I am supposed to be meditating – I’m off making a grocery list in my head. “Don’t forget the strawberries, oh and get some milk”.

As the aunt to 10 nieces and nephews and 5 great nieces and nephews (and one on the way!!!), I have done a lot, A LOT, of babysitting in my life. One thing I always noticed was that the only time the kids misbehaved was when I wasn’t paying attention to them. If they had my attention, there was no reason for them to act up.

But as soon as I was on the phone with a friend or watching something on TV, all hell would break loose. Now when I see children acting up, I look to see what the parents are doing. Every time, the parent is distracted and not paying attention to the child.

Am I saying that children should be the center of a parent’s attention every single minute of every day? No, because that would be unrealistic and impossible. There is work and chores and other things that have to get done. But I would wager to say that many parents would admit to rarely being completely present with their children and therefore, not enjoying their children as often as they would like to.

The next time your child is annoying you, stop and think about what you’re doing and if you were to redirect your attention to them, even for a short time, would they calm down?

If you’ve ever seen the show “Super Nanny” one of the first things the Nanny encourages parents to do is to set up a schedule for the home. Included on this schedule are specific times for each parent to spend some quality time with each child with no distractions. Play time. The beautiful thing is that when we are truly playing – guess what – we’re in the present.

Whether you have children or not, look for opportunities to be completely present with those around you.

Negotiations can seem as complex as physics, and in fact, people go to college to study the science of negotiating just as they would the laws of nature. At the same time, negotiation is like an ancient art form, some sort of Zen mental jujitsu. When neither the Zen nor the science works, though, no one wins.

Just ask any hockey fan out there. The recent lockout and cancellation of the 2004-2005 NHL season is a perfect example of poor negotiating. Both the players’ union and the league owners broke all of the rules when it came to brokering an agreement on player contracts. The result are hockey rinks across North America that are so quiet that you can hear a pin drop–unfortunately, not a puck. In dollar terms, professional hockey is missing out on television contracts, advertising fees, and tons of ticket sales.

Of course, you won’t lose billions in revenue if you fail at the latest negotiation at your favorite online classified or auction site. But you could let a treasure slip through your fingers. Success in deal making, on the other hand, could land you that rookie Bobby Orr card, signed Stanley Cup puck, or whatever other fantastic item you’re bidding on.

Plus, proper negotiations and compromise can ensure that you get the item for its fair value, including a good price on shipping and taxes. This increases the profitability of the trade for both you and the seller. The deal gets closed without nasty disputes, blow-ups, or hip checks. And both of you are left to do business again in the future.

To score all of these benefits, and avoid your own mini lockout, follow these simple tips on negotiating that will net results at online classified sites. As you’ll see, victory isn’t so much an exact science or a mystic sixth sense. It’s more about simple know-how and common sense.

Warm up. Don’t jump into a negotiation cold. Before you even face off with your opponent, figure out for yourself what would count as a victory. What do you exactly want out of the trade–and at what price?

Consider a truce. It may not even be worth dropping the puck at all. In other words, negotiations, like hockey games, can end in a loss for the home team, you. So weigh this risk before you start. If the item at hand is a dream buy, you may not want to endanger your purchase with a drawn-out negotiation.

Know when to pass. On the other hand, if the item is far from dreamy–and you’re pretty sure something better may come along later–you could pass on negotiations. Or go for the score. Offer a lowball price. If you win, you won’t be out too much, and if you lose, it won’t leave a mark either. But be certain if you play this game. You could miss this opportunity without a guarantee of future prospects.

Know your enemy. Coaches and players spend hours before games watching films of their impending competition to study their tendencies. You need to take the same approach when it comes to making a deal. Try to read your opponent’s mind. What is his or her goals in the negotiation? Does he or she have any strengths that they can use against you? Are there any weaknesses that you can use against them?

Spot all of your passing lanes. During your research, you may find that this particular vendor isn’t the only one in the game with what you’re looking for. Using these other vendors, and their prices, to your advantage can help you skate circles around your competitor.

Practice before you play. Also, research the item before you make a play on it. This knowledge, such as the going price and quality markers, can work as leverage during the negotiating, too.

Translate thought into action. Your strategy can become more complicated and unpredictable–and effective–once you’re in the heat of battle. Just remember to think on your feet and remember all that you learned in your “training.” For instance, if you know that the vendor has other items for sale besides your target, agree easily to one of these other purchases. Go for the easy one first. That will lure them into trusting you and giving you an easy pass on future, and more important, deals.

When it comes down to it, negotiation is all about this kind of give and take. It works out best when both parties get what they want out of the deal, without feeling ripped off as if they gave too much for too little.

That brings you to the one “don’t” of negotiating. Don’t fear a standoff. They are part of the art and science of trading, so don’t be tempted to cave in just to break the deadlock. Instead, let your opponent make the first move. They will. They want to close the deal, too, don’t forget. You both will be better off for this in the long run. And you won’t end up like the NHL, the No Hockey League.