One of the largest hurdles for meditation for beginners is learning to focus on the here and now. To learn what it means to find the space to see the now, to see what it means to live in the moment. Most of us are entirely unable to to do this. We have a panel of judges who condemn us for past failures that only remotely resemble our current circumstances. Every time we listen to those inner critics we relive the past.

When beginning to learn meditation, the learner may suddenly believe that they cannot meditate because when they were a child they could not sit still and listen in school. This thought can continue to comparing themselves to that one kid who they believed was better than him, distracting themselves entirely from what they originally sought to do. The key to overcoming these critics is to let go of them. Realize that these critics bind us to a single opinion and outlook on life. Realize that we cannot truly see what is real because we put everything through a filter.

Believe that you can let them go and then take action. The next time these critics make their voices heard. It can be during meditation or as we live our lives, take account of them and ask, “Is this what is?” Often times we project ourselves, our insecurities, our arrogance onto others and situations and after a few moments consideration can see that as well. Then accept the present, notice all of it details without listening to the judgment.

As we strive to live fully in the present we become mindful. We become more at peace with what preconceive, with what is, and what we believe will happen. Once we can embrace the now, we can focus and concentrate with what we meditate on.

Words have power and in a negotiation, you’re perceived as being more powerful when you shrewdly use words that the other negotiator perceives as possessing strength.

When we speak, our words have an impact on the person with whom we’re conversing. Thus, we affect that person from a negative, or positive perspective, based on what we say, how we say it, and the manner in which it’s perceived. If you want your negotiations to be successful, discover how and when to use power words that influence the other negotiator and implement the following suggestions.

1. Using power words:

Power words are words that convey a stronger commitment to a position than words that would leave the listener in a precarious state of mind, related to a less than stringent perception that he otherwise might have. Some words, convey a less than strong commitment to a position (i.e. maybe, try, might, possibly, I think). In addition, by using such words, you weaken your position, while leaving yourself open to challenges. To be perceived as possessing a stronger commitment to your negotiation position, use words that convey more conviction (i.e. I know, success, will do, guarantee).

Note: To be perceived as being stronger, speak to what you’re for, not for what you’re against. Manage the level of negativity that could seep into the negotiation.

2. Before the negotiation:

Prior to the negotiation, ask yourself, what demeanor you wish to project and how much power you want to convey in the negotiation. If you project an image that’s too strong, or overbearing, you can alienate the other negotiator. Therefore, you have to measure the degrees of power carried by your words. Your words must be compatible with the manner in which the other negotiator is accustomed to receiving such messages and have the same meaning as he understands their conveyance.

3. Body language:

Being able to read and interpret body language gives a negotiator an advantage. Even when you use the appropriate words to match the situation, you still have to deliver those words in a manner that’s perceived as being in alignment with the actions of your body. If the situation does not call for it, avoid the appearance of being perceived as brash. You don’t want to have the other negotiator be in agreement with your position, only to have him back away, because he adopts a feeling of buyer’s remorse, due to a misalignment between your words and actions.

4. Assumptive questions used for power:

When negotiating, there are ways to use questions to gather additional information, to which the other negotiator assumes you already have the answers. This tactic is called using assumptive questions.

Assumptive questions are secondary questions that bypass an initial question that implies you already know the answer to the question that was bypassed (e.g. What led you to lowering your price in the past?). In a non-assumptive question environment, the initial question would be, have you lowered your price in the past?

By asking the assumptive question, what led you to lowering your price in the past, you give the impression that you know the other negotiator lowered his price at some point. When placed in such a position, the other negotiator will go into reflective mode, in an attempt to determine if you’re aware of the fact that he lowered his price in the past. Even if he states that he did not lower his price in the past, you’ve gain additional information about his negotiation position, and thus the reason this tactic is so powerful.

5. Conclusion:

From your words comes power. If you lack the vocabulary to convey your message in a strong and succinct manner, equip yourself with the verbiage that will be required to gain the upper hand. Learn the language of success as it pertains to the person with whom you’re negotiating.

Sometimes, you have to tell yourself, yes I can. Then, believe it. You don’t have to accept the plight of a negative outcome in a negotiation, if you chose not to. If you use the words that convey your negotiation position with power and do so succinctly, you’ll control the direction of the negotiation. In so doing, you’ll lead the negotiation in the direction you want it to take, which will enhance the probability of a successful outcome… and everything will be right with the world. Remember, you’re always negotiating.

The Negotiation Tips Are…

• Words can convey power, but words without synchronized body language can lead to confusion. If you wish to be perceived as being more credible, be sure your words, body language, and actions are aligned with the message you deliver.

• In a negotiation, silence can be golden, but even when being silent, you’re still sending a message.

• When negotiating, sometimes you have to escalate your rhetoric in order to disengage and be in a stronger position for the next phase in the negotiation. In such a position, use words that express power and subliminally you’ll send a stronger message.

Negotiations can seem as complex as physics, and in fact, people go to college to study the science of negotiating just as they would the laws of nature. At the same time, negotiation is like an ancient art form, some sort of Zen mental jujitsu. When neither the Zen nor the science works, though, no one wins.

Just ask any hockey fan out there. The recent lockout and cancellation of the 2004-2005 NHL season is a perfect example of poor negotiating. Both the players’ union and the league owners broke all of the rules when it came to brokering an agreement on player contracts. The result are hockey rinks across North America that are so quiet that you can hear a pin drop–unfortunately, not a puck. In dollar terms, professional hockey is missing out on television contracts, advertising fees, and tons of ticket sales.

Of course, you won’t lose billions in revenue if you fail at the latest negotiation at your favorite online classified or auction site. But you could let a treasure slip through your fingers. Success in deal making, on the other hand, could land you that rookie Bobby Orr card, signed Stanley Cup puck, or whatever other fantastic item you’re bidding on.

Plus, proper negotiations and compromise can ensure that you get the item for its fair value, including a good price on shipping and taxes. This increases the profitability of the trade for both you and the seller. The deal gets closed without nasty disputes, blow-ups, or hip checks. And both of you are left to do business again in the future.

To score all of these benefits, and avoid your own mini lockout, follow these simple tips on negotiating that will net results at online classified sites. As you’ll see, victory isn’t so much an exact science or a mystic sixth sense. It’s more about simple know-how and common sense.

Warm up. Don’t jump into a negotiation cold. Before you even face off with your opponent, figure out for yourself what would count as a victory. What do you exactly want out of the trade–and at what price?

Consider a truce. It may not even be worth dropping the puck at all. In other words, negotiations, like hockey games, can end in a loss for the home team, you. So weigh this risk before you start. If the item at hand is a dream buy, you may not want to endanger your purchase with a drawn-out negotiation.

Know when to pass. On the other hand, if the item is far from dreamy–and you’re pretty sure something better may come along later–you could pass on negotiations. Or go for the score. Offer a lowball price. If you win, you won’t be out too much, and if you lose, it won’t leave a mark either. But be certain if you play this game. You could miss this opportunity without a guarantee of future prospects.

Know your enemy. Coaches and players spend hours before games watching films of their impending competition to study their tendencies. You need to take the same approach when it comes to making a deal. Try to read your opponent’s mind. What is his or her goals in the negotiation? Does he or she have any strengths that they can use against you? Are there any weaknesses that you can use against them?

Spot all of your passing lanes. During your research, you may find that this particular vendor isn’t the only one in the game with what you’re looking for. Using these other vendors, and their prices, to your advantage can help you skate circles around your competitor.

Practice before you play. Also, research the item before you make a play on it. This knowledge, such as the going price and quality markers, can work as leverage during the negotiating, too.

Translate thought into action. Your strategy can become more complicated and unpredictable–and effective–once you’re in the heat of battle. Just remember to think on your feet and remember all that you learned in your “training.” For instance, if you know that the vendor has other items for sale besides your target, agree easily to one of these other purchases. Go for the easy one first. That will lure them into trusting you and giving you an easy pass on future, and more important, deals.

When it comes down to it, negotiation is all about this kind of give and take. It works out best when both parties get what they want out of the deal, without feeling ripped off as if they gave too much for too little.

That brings you to the one “don’t” of negotiating. Don’t fear a standoff. They are part of the art and science of trading, so don’t be tempted to cave in just to break the deadlock. Instead, let your opponent make the first move. They will. They want to close the deal, too, don’t forget. You both will be better off for this in the long run. And you won’t end up like the NHL, the No Hockey League.